THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM GREGG JOHNSON'S LATEST BOOK, "HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN." FOR MORE INFO, CLICK HERE.

“But King Solomon loved many foreign women…he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart” (1 Kings 11:1-3).

He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. While it may be shocking that King Solomon could have such a harem, is it not true that some men today have similar harems living in their own minds?

As it was for Solomon, promiscuity is ubiquitous today. We live in a culture of unlimited concubines. Our lives are inundated with offers of lust at every turn. Billboards, television, books, magazines and, of course, the Internet offer hundreds, if not thousands, of virtual concubines to move into the hearts and minds of willing men. And sadly, too many men—and pastors are willing.

A survey by Leadership Magazine showed 40 percent of pastors regularly struggle with pornography. Dr. Wayne Benson, former president of Emerge Ministries, reported that 28 percent of calls into their help line concerned some form of secret sexual sin and 20 percent were seeking help to overcome pornography.

Today, not only must we be careful of spiritual, emotional and physical adultery, we must be concerned about “virtual adultery.” This is a sexual or romantic encounter that is virtual, occurring online. For men, it usually involves pornographic pictures or video, whereas women are more susceptible to email romances and social websites. Studies show that with unlimited, ubiquitous access to the Internet, virtual adultery is an unseen epidemic that is polluting untold millions of minds and destroying thousands of families.

More than we realize, men and woman are becoming addicted to virtual sex. Consider the following:

• Everyday 200 new pornography Web sites pop up.
• 75 percent of hits on the Web are looking for a porn site.
• The largest group of viewers of porn are boys between the age of 13 and 18 years old.
• Almost 90 percent of American teens view porn online.
• 94 percent of men have been exposed to pornography before the age of 20.13
  

The reality is no man can be faithful to his wife when there is a harem living in his mind. Not only does it hurt the wife and the family, it devastates a ministry. How many churches have been ruined and congregations shattered because their pastor was a Solomon with a harem in his mind.

In some cases, prayer and repentance is not enough. Leaders who have a difficult time controlling their urges and actions may need to adopt a more aggressive plan for deliverance. This mostly requires one to make himself accountable to another leader or leaders.

One study done at Dallas Theological Seminary examined 237 instances of Christians (mostly in leadership) who suffered moral failure. One interesting commonality was revealed: of the 237 men who fell, not one of them had accountability relationships with other men. Perhaps the greatest safeguard we can have against the Solomon Syndrome is a willingness to take instruction and receive correction--in other words establish accountability partners. This is further demonstrated in Proverbs 5, where we were introduced to a foolish man who was enraptured by a seductress, entrapped by his own iniquities, and caught in the cords of his own sin. In Proverbs 5:12-13 he said, "How I have hated instruction, and my heart despised correction! I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me!” This man fell to adultery because he refused accountability; he refused to listen to the instructive warnings around him.

If your struggling because a harem is living in your mind, seriously consider confessing your struggle to a leader you trust and allow him (or her) the right to speak into your life and question you on a regular basis. Having an accountability group or partner is not a sign of weakness—it is a sign of strength. It reveals a depth of character that refuses to continue compromising one’s integrity.

THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM GREGG JOHNSON'S LATEST BOOK, "HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN." FOR MORE INFO, CLICK HERE.

“Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king's house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. So David sent and inquired about the woman. And someone said, ‘Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?’ Then David sent messengers, and took her; and she came to him, and he lay with her, for she was cleansed from her impurity; and she returned to her house”  (2 Samuel 11:2-4).  
 
As king over Israel, David had unique access that only his authority could give. His power, his influence was irresistible. Even if Bathsheba wanted to repel the king’s advances, she had no chance against the sovereign command he had over her life and that of her family. Sadly, he used his position to bring Uriah’s wife under his control and took advantage of her.

Leaders, whether they realize it or not, have a certain amount of influence over those who submit to their authority. This is especially true when the spiritual leader assumes the role of a counselor to those who are suffering or in need.

In fact, many of the people attending our churches are deeply troubled and emotionally wounded. They may be going through a divorce or suffering neglect in their marriage; they may be reeling from childhood trauma or working through issues of rejection and insecurity. As a result, many of these struggling saints are very needy; they may lack self-worth or are looking for affirmation and support. Many are broken hearted; they are lonely and afraid. And most are simply looking for a compassionate ear to listen to them and validate their pain.

As pastors, we are called to love these suffering souls with empathy and understanding. We need to guide them to the Healer who can mend their wounded spirits. However, as we minister to them, we need to be very cautious. There is a great danger here—a subtle snare—especially when the one coming to us for comfort is of the opposite sex. 
 
Naturally, when she (or he) comes to you—the pastor—you listen. You show compassion, understanding, affirmation and love, the very things that she (or he) is in desperate need of. As a result, an unhealthy attachment can develop. She begins to regard you as a special person in her life: her source of empowerment, support and self-worth. She comes emotionally dependent on you and—if you are not careful—she subconsciously begins to see you as her surrogate parent or spouse. Emotionally, you become the father or husband she has always longed for.

And if that’s not bad enough, this dependence can affect you—the pastor—as well. It becomes very gratifying to know that you are so important, so needed and such a powerful force in someone’s life. In fact, many pastors, who themselves are emotionally wounded and insecure, need to be needed. They need to know they are admired, respected, and appreciated. And it is especially gratifying when the one appreciating you is a younger, attractive member of the
opposite sex. 

It becomes even more gratifying when the pastor’s emotional needs go unmet in his own marriage. If his wife continually nags, complains, and tears him down—if she often criticizes him and threatens his self-worth—then he too may develop a dependency on the counseling relationship. Not because he is receiving counsel, but because he is receiving what he needs emotionally: respect, affirmation, a sense of importance and self-worth—things that he cannot get anywhere
else.

The result is an emotionally dependent pastor–parishioner relationship. It is an extremely dangerous snare. It is
very often the beginning of an affair.

There are three rules that will deliver you from this  snare.

First and foremost, love your spouse.  The best defense against falling in love with a parishioner is to stay in love
with your wife.  Learn to appreciate the better qualities of your spouse, make an effort to talk with her and compliment her and express your affection. Remember that love grows through expression and dies with neglect. Proverbs 5:18-20 emphasizes this as well: “...rejoice with the wife of your youth.  As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress?”

Second, let the sisters counsel the sisters (and the brothers counsel the brothers). Titus 2:3-4 says, “the older women…(should) admonish the young women.” The Apostle Paul understood human nature well when he told church leaders to stay away from those young women. “If they need admonition or counsel,” the wise apostle wrote, “let the older, godly women take care of it.” Amen!

After a recent Sunday Morning service, I was in the church lobby greeting people as they departed the sanctuary. Suddenly, a young, attractive, blonde woman approached me. I had never met her before and greeted her as I do all new visitors. As we shook hands, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “Your sermon really touched me today. I’ve been going through some really difficult times lately and…” She paused to wipe a tear from her eye with a handkerchief. “And I think you might be able to help me. Do you think we could meet together during the week and talk privately?”

At that moment, a million red flags went up in my head and warning sirens began to scream in my spirit. It was the Holy Ghost imprint on my character telling me, “Danger, danger—this is trouble! Don’t do it.” With that, I looked at her with sincere compassion in my eyes and said, “You know what I think you really need? You know what I think could really help you? We have some powerful, experienced, Holy Spirit- anointed sisters in our church. They are the wives of our deacons and elders and pastors; in fact, there is one right behind you. Let me introduce you to her. I know she would be glad to meet with you and talk and pray with you and…”

“No thanks.” She said. Her eyes cleared up. The tremble in her voice disappeared. The hanky was stuffed into her purse. She thrust her chin up, brushed her hair out of her face and out the door she went. I never saw her again.

Did I offend her? Perhaps, but I take no chances with my integrity. Did I miss out on an opportunity to heal a hurting soul? Absolutely not. I offered her an opportunity to meet with some powerful, deeply wise and spiritual women. They would have ministered the grace and love of God to that lady in a way that no man could ever minister to her. Sadly, she rejected it. 
 
Keep it short and simple. In other words, if you must counsel the opposite sex, provide compassion and counsel but stay focused on the issue at hand. Refrain from offering the kind of support and sympathy that produces an emotional connection leading to a dependency. As well, keep the session short and simple. Avoid delving into issues and areas that are deep and intimate, emotionally volatile and require excessive amounts of time. If the counselee requires that kind of attention, refer him or her to a professional or a counselor of the same sex.

The Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology and Counseling suggests that the technique of “co-counseling” is often necessary in situations where a counselee could develop an unhealthy attachment to the counselor. It explains that therapists can reduce the transference of affection and emotional dependence coming from a counselee by the use of co-therapists.  Using two counselors reduces the intensity of the patient’s attachment by dispersing it among the two.11  As much as possible, ministers should  use the same approach by referring counselees of the opposite sex to his or her  spouse, board member, or staff member.

Don’t be intimidated by someone’s neediness. Some people may try  to manipulate you into investing more time and energy than you should. But being  a pastor does not obligate you to being someone’s personal counselor 24 hours a  day, 7 days a week—especially with the opposite sex. A woman once complained to  her pastor, “I need you to be there for me more often. I need you to check on  me. I need to know I’m not alone.” Wisely, he said, “I’m sorry, but I’m not  going to do that. If you need some help, or advice, you can pick up the phone  and call the office. I’m there, as well as other staff members. But don’t expect  me to meet all your needs.”

THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM GREGG JOHNSON'S LATEST BOOK, "HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN." FOR MORE INFO, CLICK HERE.

Then Amnon said to Tamar his sister, ‘Bring the food into the bedroom.’ And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them to Amnon her brother in the bedroom. Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, ‘Come, lie with me, my sister’” (2 Samuel 13:6-11).

Tamar was Amnon’s sister. He should have loved her as a brother and protected her well-being, but instead he allowed lust to consume him and he abused her sexually. It is a tragedy that, unfortunately, is played out again and again in the church community between brothers and sisters in Christ.

Leaders must recognize the dangers of developing a spiritual intimacy or "soul ties" with those of the opposite sex in church and ministry situations. I call it “Spiritual Adultery.” It's when one allows himself or herself to become more spiritually intimate and inappropriately attached to someone other than their own spouse.

As stated, Genesis 2:24 instructs a man to be joined to his wife. Not only is this a “joining” in the physical and emotional sense, it also refers to their being joined spiritually. Husbands are to be joined, or cleave, to their wives spiritually. They are to pray together, to minister together, to identify prophetically together. Unfortunately, there are some men and women who are cleaving spiritually to others of the opposite sex and not their own spouses. In essence, they are committing “spiritual adultery.”

What is “spiritual adultery?” It is when you seem to “connect” more “in the spirit” with some other man or woman. Maybe you have certain spiritual gifts—you are a prophet, an intercessor, a worship leader and this other person shares your same gifts and spiritual passions. The two of you seem so plugged into each other spiritually.

But your spouse, (sarcastically) just isn’t on the “same level” as you are spiritually. You try to tell your husband or wife what you are seeing prophetically, or what God showed you in a dream, or in prayer—and all your spouse seems to talk about is what's wrong with your relationship, your attitude, your character and what's wrong with you. Your husband or wife just isn’t spiritual.

But that brother or sister in the church understands. She is in tune with what God is doing in you. He understands the prophetic word, or the “dream God gave you.” She has the same burdens, the same insights. He prays for the same things and sees the same things—it is like God has given him or her to you as a “spiritual soul mate.”

Ridiculous! There is only one man or woman you are to be joined with: the one you married. Spiritual adultery occurs by joining yourself to another  and being more spiritually intimate with that person rather than your husband or wife.

Brother, if you are spiritually plugged into another woman and not your wife, you are in danger and you need to repent. Sister, you better stop praying with that man and go home and pray with your husband. Sir, stop prophesying to that woman and start prophesying to your wife, talking to your wife, and interceding with your wife. Why? Because most adultery does not begin with a sexual encounter, most adultery begins at the spiritual and emotional level.

It is also important to note that most adultery committed by pastors and church leaders does not occur with a prostitute, or a stranger in a one night stand; most adultery occurs with parishioners in the church. As noted from the above survey, among the respondent pastors who committed adultery, 69 percent came from within their own congregations, including 17 percent who were counselees. It is also interesting to note that most men and women never intended to have an affair. They never expected, or began a relationship with the plan for it to end in adultery. Affairs occur because they allow themselves to be drawn into emotional, spiritual relationships with that persona that they should be having with their spouse.

If you are committing spiritual or emotional adultery, you must end that relationship immediately! Stop talking to that person, stop visiting that person, stop calling him or her—erase their number from your cell phone. If you happen to be in the same ministry as that person, quit it immediately. If you are a pastor and he or she is in your church, you need to pull back completely. Keep your greetings short and sharp and withdraw from everything that encourages an emotional or spiritual intimacy between you.

Be firm and decisive! You don’t need to explain it to the tempter. You don’t need to have a meeting and tell him or her why you are pulling back. Don’t feel like she is entitled to an explanation; you don’t owe her anything, nor are you obligated to say anything more to her. The only one you are obligated to is your own spouse. So cut if off. No more conversations, no more prayer meetings, no more interaction whatsoever. “But what if he gets offended and leaves the church?” For your sake, the sake of your family, the sake of the church—and for his sake—that is probably the best thing. 

THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM GREGG JOHNSON'S LATEST BOOK, "HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN." FOR MORE INFO, CLICK HERE.

“Afterward it happened that he loved a woman in the Valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah. And the lords of the Philistines came up to her and said to her, ‘Entice him, and find out where his great strength lies, and by what means we may overpower him, that we may bind him to afflict him; and every one of us will give you eleven hundred pieces of silver.’ So Delilah said to Samson, ‘Please tell me where your great strength lies, and with what you may be bound to afflict you.’ Then she lulled him to sleep on her knees, and called for a man and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. Then she began to torment him, and his strength left him” (Judges 16:4-6, 19).

Samson fell in love with a woman he had no business being in love with. He became emotionally attached to a Philistine, the enemies of God's people. In much the same way, leaders today are allowing themselves to become emotionally attached to women they have no business being attached to and setting a snare for sexual sin.

Leaders must recognize the dangers of “Emotional Adultery.” 

In Genesis 2:24, God established the foundation of a healthy marriage: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The phrase “to be joined” does not just mean to be joined merely in the physical sense; it means that the man and his wife should be joined in every aspect of their being. They are to be joined physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

But, unfortunately, there are some men who are joining themselves emotionally to women other than their wives. In essence, they are committing “emotional adultery.”

If you have any doubt that adultery can be committed on an emotional level, ask a wife who has been the victim of it. Most wives will readily admit that an adulterous affair occurs long before any physical contact takes place. They will assert that the husband committed “emotional adultery” first, which eventually led to physical adultery. Furthermore, many wives will say that the knowledge that their husband was emotionally intimate with another woman is even more painful than knowing that he had sexual relations with her.

What is “Emotional Adultery?” It is when one feels more emotionally connected to someone other than his or her own spouse. It is when your emotional needs are being met by someone of the opposite sex other than the person you married.

Every man has certain “emotional needs.” First, there is “The Need for Significance.” Every man needs to feel he is special and unique. He wants to know that God has gifted him for a significant purpose that he alone is suited to fulfill. Second, every man has “The Need for Success.” This is the belief that he is achieving greatness—that he is successful and fulfilling the purpose God created him for. Thirdly, every man has “The Need for Respect.” He needs to feel as though other people recognize him as a man of value and worth and appreciate the significance he has.

Brother, if these needs are being met by any woman other than your wife, then you are in an emotionally adulterous affair. When you want to be around another woman, talk to her, share personal things with her and pray with her more than you do with your own wife, you are having an emotional affair. If you look forward to seeing some sister in the church (even though you may not be sexually involved), you can’t wait to be with her, talk to her, share something with her, you are committing emotional adultery. Do you think about another woman, obsess over her, and daydream about being with her? Do you anticipate seeing her, do you look for her in church or arrange your schedule to see her—if so, you are an emotional adulterer.

Of course, there are many reasons why a man will commit emotional adultery. The excuses are boundless: “But you don’t know what my wife is like. She doesn’t understand or appreciate me; she doesn’t respect me. But sister ‘so and so’—she understands. I can talk to her. I tell her how I feel and what is bothering me. She encourages me and builds me up.”

There will always be some woman who is glad to “build you up”—especially if you are a leader in the church. There is something very attractive about spiritual leadership and the anointing. People who are very needy and emotionally weakened are often drawn to it and enticed by the compassion spiritual leaders demonstrate. They will often say things like, “You are so wise, so anointed. You are such a compassionate and understanding pastor. I love to hear you preach. I’m your biggest fan. I’ve heard Benny Hinn and Reinhard Bonnke, but you are the best.” But don’t be naive. The wise and experienced leader will see it for what it is—a Proverbs 5:23 snare—a trap that captures foolish and undiscerning leaders.

Leaders beware, when you rely on another woman to provide you with the things your wife should be providing to you, you are committing emotional adultery. And take heed, emotional adultery is usually a precursor to physical adultery. Physical adultery doesn’t “just happen.” It occurs because a man and a woman first became emotionally connected and comfortable with each other.

THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM GREGG JOHNSON'S LATEST BOOK, "HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN." FOR MORE INFO, CLICK HERE.

“And it came to pass after these things that his master's wife cast longing eyes on Joseph, and she said, ‘Lie with me.’ But he refused …So it was, as she spoke to Joseph day by day, that he did not heed her, to lie with her or to be with her. But it happened about this time, when Joseph went into the house to do his work, and none of the men of the house was inside, that she caught him by his garment, saying, ‘Lie with me.’ But he left his garment in her hand, and fled and ran outside” (Genesis 39:7-12).

Scripture describes Joseph as a handsome man to whom Potiphar’s wife was attracted. It is a reminder that leadership is attractive. There will always be those, especially of the opposite sex, who admire the one who leads. Leadership makes a person more appealing. It provides an image of charisma, confidence, and decisiveness. Often the more ignoble aspects of a person, their lesser qualities are obscured by the spotlight and people are easily enamored by the image they see in the pulpit.

Wise leaders, however, will realize the snare of the spotlight, and will employ measures to deliver them from sexual sin. Like Joseph, they will run; they will avoid those situations that will ensnare and cause them to fall on their sword.

Avoid being alone with the opposite sex. Joseph got into trouble because he was alone with another man’s wife, even though his intentions were innocent. Romans 13:14 instructs us to “Make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” 1 Thessalonians 5:22 further warns us to “Avoid every appearance of evil.” This means that leaders must demonstrate due diligence in avoiding situations that present temptation or have the appearance of impropriety, even if intentions are innocent. 

Foremost is the danger of being alone with the opposite sex. In a car, having a meeting, sharing a lunch, holding a counseling session—it may seem innocent to you but it has the potential of sending the wrong signal. It says, “I’m interested in you, I don’t mind being alone with you,” or even worse, “I enjoy being alone with you.” 

Furthermore, having “alone time” with the opposite sex causes others to question your integrity. If someone sees you alone with that person in a restaurant, in a car, or behind closed doors, more than likely, they will be suspicious and inherently sense something inappropriate. This means men who are spiritual leaders should not have private prayer meetings with women. They shouldn't have one-on-one counseling sessions with women or drive in the car alone with them and never, never, never have lunch or dinner alone with the opposite sex—even in a crowded restaurant. 

If I must meet with the opposite sex—I will not meet in a place where we are alone. I always try to meet with others present in the room. If that is not possible or practical, then I will always leave the door open or at least ajar. This sends the message, “We are not really alone” or “I am uncomfortable being alone with you” or more importantly, “I don’t want to be alone with you.”

In fact, I have instructed my staff on several occasions, “Never leave me alone in the building when there is a woman in my office.” And “If you see me in my office with a woman, never pull the door shut, always leave it ajar.” As a result, on more than one occasion, someone on my staff has remained late in the office so as to avoid leaving me in a compromising situation.

Another solution may be to install a window in your office or to replace your door with one that has a widow in it. Of course, be sure that curtains or blinds are not covering these windows when counseling someone.

Some may feel these measures are too extreme or somewhat paranoid. However, I don’t believe one can be too careful in the area of sexual purity. I have served three pastors in my over twenty-four years of ministry. Of those three men, two of them have fallen prey to adultery, have divorced their wives and been removed from pastoral ministry. I have personally witnessed how a casual, relaxed attitude toward the opposite sex can expose good men to subtle and destructive snares.

Avoid excessive physical contact with opposite-sex parishioners. In the book, Does Touching Patients Lead to Sexual Intercourse?, published research reveals that physical exchanges such as hugs, touches, pats, and putting one’s arms around the shoulders correlates to a high risk for later sexual encounters. The studies also reveal that such contact is not as innocent or indiscriminate as one may insist, but is often directed toward those that one is physically attracted to.

Some pastors say, “I just love everybody and want to give everyone a big hug.”  That may sound fatherly and pastoral—but it is also naive and foolish. These leaders are ignoring the fact that many people have been impaired by a sexually obsessed culture and could be confused by our good intentions. In fact, those who have suffered sexual mistreatment often cannot distinguish between erotic and non-erotic hugs and any touch at all might cause them fear, pain, sexual arousal, and flashbacks.

Add to this the reality that such physical contact often awakens the leader to temptation, especially when physical attraction exists. A recent Leadership survey of nearly a thousand pastors revealed that 12 percent admitted to extramarital intercourse. Among those with whom pastors were involved sexually, 69 percent came from within their own congregations, including 17 percent who were in a counseling relationship with the pastor. The primary reason for the sexual encounter was physical and emotional attraction as noted by 78 percent of the pastors, while marital dissatisfaction was reasoned by 41 percent. Clearly, ministers and church leaders who are physically attracted to the opposite sex are vulnerable to sexual temptation and it would be wise not to exacerbate it with unnecessary physical contact.

This is not to say that any physical contact is always wrong. There may be times when one is reunited with old friends or when special events engender a congratulatory hug. However, these kinds of exchanges should be the exception, not the norm. Leaders who wish to express affection through frequent use of hugs, kisses, and tight embraces should reserve them for his or her own spouse. Giving regular physical affection to others of the opposite sex is simply inappropriate. 

Avoid discussing inappropriate issues with the opposite sex. Spiritual leaders must use extreme caution when discussing sexual issues, especially with a person of the opposite sex. Dr. Wayne Goodall makes this point when he writes, “Do you share about your own sex life? Do you initiate conversation about sexual problems, preferences, or fantasies for the purposes of sexual gratification? Do you make comments on sexual or physical characteristics or imagined sexual performance? Counselor licensing boards consider this sexual exploitation, and it may be punishable as a felony criminal offense.”

Such discussions are dangerous because they cross thresholds that should be reserved for counselors of the same sex—or husbands and their wives. When church leaders broach these subjects with the opposite sex, it connects them on an emotionally intimate level. Even worse, sensual ties will develop that leave both parties open to temptation. Sometimes, that temptation is too great when one or both of those parties are in an emotionally weakened condition, lonely, in need of affirmation, or physically attracted to one another.

Never take advantage of the power differential you hold over a parishioner. People often put their pastors on pedestals. They give spiritual leaders a great deal of trust while affording them unusual access to and influence over their lives. Sadly, some leaders have leveraged this authority to gratify their own needs.

I received a phone call from one unfortunate woman who was disturbed about a pastor who told her she needed “deliverance.” He used his “spiritual expertise” to diagnose her condition, invite himself into her home—alone—and conduct numerous exorcisms. The woman was troubled, not only by this pastor’s diagnosis of her spiritual condition, but the “techniques” used to deliver her. They involved placing his hands on her and pressing his body against hers in a very intimate way. This pastor was taking advantage of his spiritual clout and the trust this woman had placed in him to gratify his own urges.

“How terrible!” one might exclaim. Indeed. Yet how often are these scenarios replayed in churches today—but with less extreme methods? What about church leaders who offer friendly hugs and kisses to the young, attractive ladies in the church? Or the deacon who meets privately to console the distressed divorcee? And then there is the elder who takes advantage of those he knows are needy and emotionally weakened, to flirt with them or gratify himself in some way emotionally or physically. Unfortunately, it happens all too often.

Dr. Gary Collins, in his book, Excellence and Ethics in Counseling, indicates that so many people have been emotionally damaged by the sexual advances of counselors, ministers, and those in authority over them that Masters and Johnson asserted such behavior should be labeled and prosecuted as a form of rape. The presence of so many men holding positions of authority over women—especially in the church—obligates these men to be especially cautious and discreet when dealing with women. Even if some of these leaders are unpaid volunteers, they are in authority and leverage a certain amount of power. They must apply the same standards of professionalism and restraint as do the pastors who are being paid to act professionally.

Saul said to his armorbearer, "Draw your sword, and thrust me through with it, lest these uncircumcised men come and thrust me through and abuse me." But his armorbearer would not, for he was greatly afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword and fell on it. And when his armorbearer saw that Saul was dead, he also fell on his sword, and died with him. So Saul, his three sons, his armorbearer, and all his men died together that same day. - 1 Samuel 31:1-6

Saul killed himself. Overrun by the enemy, his army crushed, and mortally wounded by arrows, Saul took a sword and fell on it. Indeed, the enemy had overpowered him, but in the end his death was his own doing.

It was a tragic end that serves as a metaphor for all leaders. We must take heed lest our success be our undoing. The saying is true: “With higher levels come higher devils.” Leadership will destroy the man (or woman) whose character has not been prepared for it. With advancement, promotion and enlargement in the Kingdom of God comes fiercer attacks, harsher resistance, and more intense warfare. The battle gets tougher the higher you go; and leaders must be aware that in the midst of such intense warfare there is a danger to fall on their own swords.

Proverbs 5:22-23 reinforces this concern by warning: “His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.” The warning is clear: men are often ensnared by their own iniquities and the greatness of their own folly. In other words, our concern should not just be for the traps the devil is setting for us and the arrows he is shooting; we should be equally concerned about the traps we are setting for ourselves. We leaders need to be careful lest we fall on our swords in battle.

The context of Proverbs 5 gives us great insight into the number one cause of so many fallen leaders: sexual sin. Proverbs 5:20 plainly says, “Why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress?” It is an issue as old as leadership itself: the most common way that leaders self-destruct is sexual sin. More and more we hear about good men who have committed adultery or partake in pornography and are falling on their swords. It’s not only the arrows of the Philistines killing them, they’re killing themselves. Good men fall into sexual immorality, not because of the devil’s traps but because of the traps they have set for themselves. The paths they travel, the practices and policies they have, instead of keeping them safe, expose them to dangers, snares, and falling on swords.

A survey by Leadership Magazine showed 40 percent of pastors regularly struggle with pornography. Other research reveals that 37 percent of pastors have been involved in inappropriate sexual behavior with someone in their church. Even more alarming is a 15-year study that revealed approximately 10 to 12 percent of ministers have engaged in sexual intercourse with members of their congregations. Sadly, these statistics indicate a growing promiscuity in ministry that is reflective of our culture. Wayne Goodall, in his book, Why Great Men Fall, revealed that 25 percent of wives and 44 percent of husbands have had extramarital intercourse. As is true with church leaders, many of their affairs began at “work.” Fifty percent of unfaithful wives were involved with someone from work and 62 percent of unfaithful men likewise met their affair partners at work.4 Indeed sexual promiscuity is occurring in epidemic proportions in our day.

So as we see Saul slumped over on the battlefield, a sword sticking into his chest, we should be concerned, not only about the arrows the enemy shoots at us, but about the traps we set for ourselves. It is not Satan who is causing pastors to fall into adulterous affairs; pastors fall because of their own folly. They fall because of careless professional ethics and negligent standards of personal purity.

Throughout scripture we see examples of leaders who battled the arrows of sexual temptation. Some overcame victoriously, others self-destructed. In my latest book, How the Mighty Have Fallen, I deal with this issue exhaustively. Drawn from chapter ten of this book, the next series of blogs will address this issue of maintaining sexual integrity in ministry and leadership. If interested in getting your own copy, you can order here.